How was the holiday? Did you get what you wanted? Did you get anything you liked at all? I and my family do not exchange, haven’t for many years, it’s about being together for us…so imagine my surprise at a card from my oldest. I share this with you because I have immense pride in my children, and something like this is vindication of sorts that on days when I’m not sure they get it….they do. A hand-made card that said everything that we as parents hope to hear. I hope your holiday was as special…
“Blessed Yule Mom & Papa
I know I say,
‘Don’t be mad’,
‘Let me tell you the WHOLE story first’, and
‘I can’t tell you’ alot.
I know you say,
‘Knock it off’,
‘Straighten up’, and
‘You’re better than this’ alot too.
For all of these, and the skinned knees, and the early morning drives to the poolhouse, the trouble with boys, the broken hearts, and the breaking up fights with my sister, Thank you. Thank you for unconditional love and for believing in me when I mess up. I know you have my back and love me no matter what. Because of you I know I can do anything.”
Yupp. I’m teary all over again transcribing it. I hope you all know and realize that everything we do or don’t do has an impact. Mostly, I hope you know that the most important THINGS, aren’t things….they are gifts beyond measure.
I hope your holiday was amazing and your New Year is doubly that.
Where are we? What are we doing? What are we thinking? Me, myself, and I are swimming with the mix of excitement, melancholy, insanity, gratitude, and a plethora of others unnamed today. Why? Because I’m alive. I live. I breathe. I make strides and mistakes and stop to smell coffee and flowers. I run headlong into things and end up with too much and topple the plate too…but at the end of it all, I live.
Recent thoughts are about thinking. What do I think? Why do I think what I think, and how did I come to think them? A grand circle to be sure. I am also thinking HOW? How will I get it all done? I have finished my Storytime Trysts flash pieces and they are edited and ready to go for the 19 th – 21st. There is a pending commitment for weekly work on ST in January that I haven’t been able to bring myself to think on yet. I am finishing up The Red Queen, the follow-up to Swingers, and working on Oracle, and the NaNo piece Racing the Rip-tide. UGH! I believe I’ve met myself at my pillow too oft of late.
I’m also thinking about gratitude. Swingers continues to swell and has recently gone from 160,935 in November to Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #29,766 Paid in Kindle Store. I have no words for the elation. Gratitude is me. I hope it is you for whatever it is that makes your day and brightens your smile, your heart, your step.
It’s Thursday, my normal day to remember to be vigilant in my attitude of gratitude and yet here I sit, and I am not. I am not grateful, I am not thankful or insightful into the blessings I have been given. I feel kicked and abused, used, tossed away and hoping the next thing into the refuse bin isn’t a half-finished hot coffee.
So what do you do? How do you overcome? In many ways it’s a lot like I have found writing to be. It is an exercise in perseverance. It’s a matter of keeping going even if it’s less than your best, knowing that the opportunity to do better is in there somewhere. Just like crappy first drafts, crappy days are the building blocks of something better. They are the measure of what better is, by knowing what it is not. They become the floor upon which you stand up, dust yourself off, and eventually – even if timidly, open your wings and hope for wind. They are the days you practice the ‘ole college try mentality of fake it ’til you make it.
With that, and a smile I plastered on (after checking the mirror to make sure it didn’t look like I was going to eat children), I am thankful for today as it means the road ahead has more opportunities to be better than today than chances to be worse.