You’re singing it in your head now too, aren’t you?
Wednesday, what a quagmire of influence. Not quite past the peak to enjoy the slide to the weekend, or the mad rush to finish before the tolling bell friday; and not far enough in to feel the accomplishment of unloading the burden of a new week. Recent days have been rife with stress and unfathomable grief. So much so that the joys unnumbered have not been given their fair accounting and no amount of Thursdays spent in gratitude will compensate the lack of acknowledgement.
In English please you say? Today is my eldest daughter’s “weekaversary” with her first official boyfriend. I cannot determine the nature of the relationship and if she is asking for trouble or has found it. Being the protector and the disciplinarian while not creating an opportunity for the walls to be built is a fine line to walk. I daresay that I have greyed exponentially in the last ten days.
Greying of course being relative as my youngest pointed out a grey in otherwise blonde brows just a scant week or two ago. I wish I could recover that moment in time and laugh with her all over. I think it might be the last laughter of hers I have heard. I have learned in the interim that her world has folded in on itself and she is struggling in ways I never saw nor could I fathom. Struggling to the point that ‘ending it all’ was a very real thought for her. How does the world become so difficult for a thirteen year old that out is the best option?
In turn, my writing has taken a dramatic shift as Niagara Falls could not fill the basin faster than the words have come spilling out. Gearing up for NaNoWriMo I have to pause and wonder if I will complete that journey when I cannot think to ‘Rip-tide’ with this work taking me on the journey instead of me taking the words. Can both works come out before the November 30th deadline? I don’t know, and a part of me doesn’t care. My mission, my crusade, my singular focus is finding the joy that has been lost to my daughter and returning it to her. The sun shines when she laughs and I’m sore tired of rain.