Blessed Mabon.

Today I burned my manuscript.  I literally took the hard copy, stood in the Autumn rain, chucked it in with the coals and set it to flame.  It was liberating.  Standing there watching the fire catch and the words turn to ash, I was freed.  Freed from the harsh parameters that I set for myself when I began, and freed from the assault, self-inflicted assault as I fought to put the story to words and force it to become the tale I know so well.  Now, I’m not crazy.  I have the notes, the research, and a jump drive copy stashed away.  It isn’t gone.  What it is though, is a blank page to tell the story as it’s telling itself to me.

I have struggled with the telling for weeks, endless weeks, trying to force the tale into the paradigm I created when I took it on.  The feelings of anguish and abuse as I tried to make the story fit words that were not quite right is gone.  The notion of the characters beating me up as they club me about the head to get it right, gone.  I enjoy a bit of domination and bondage as much as the next, but the characters were deigning my demise as I fought to tell the tale with words that were not theirs.  I was not being true to the story, and I felt it with every keystroke.

I am not a great writer.  Yet.  I am however a good writer, in my not so humble opinion, and I think it takes a good writer to step back and look from the outside in at the words and say, “This is not right.  It is not what I set out to do.  I cannot salvage this story telling it this way and have it be the great tale that it is.”  I am a good writer.  I know the story by heart and can tell it as it should be, just not from the place I was. 

So, as I sit here on a dreary rainy equinox morn, counting my blessings and embracing the dark half of the year to come I realized that my tale needed something I was not giving it.  With the bounty I have been given, it will take the dark to shine light to what should be.  What could be.  And, what will be everything I dreamed it to become as I put away my ego and let the story be told thru me as the characters tell it, not as I ascribe the better way to be.

Blessed Mabon.

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13 Comments

Filed under Oracle Stuff, writing

13 responses to “Blessed Mabon.

  1. Good for you. May it now flow easily and be what it should be.

  2. Well, first, Abyrne, I’d like to differ. I’ve read your work and you ARE a great writer. Not just a good writer but a great one. And if you can write that well at this early stage of your writing career, I definitely expect to see you rise quickly in this industry.
    And by realizing the story wasn’t going the way you wanted it, by recognizing the struggle behind the writing, you showed another sign of greatness. It is only a great author who knows they can do even better and has the courage to stop the horses and try again in a different way.
    I have no doubt the second telling will be a far different experience for you.

    • Trish, You honor me. I am completely gobsmacked by your assesment. I look forward to the blank pages as a challenge I will conquer soon. Thank you my friend. Many blessings.

  3. I personally love your work. I think you’re a hell of a writer. That said sometimes we all have to just chuck something aside when it isn’t working and start fresh. The ideas stay you just have the freedom to take them a different direction should you so choose to! Looking forward to your next work!

  4. daughterofmothermoon

    My heart dropped when I read you burned your manuscript. My initial response being…wait..wha wha WHAT?! Thank you for clarifying that you have your notes and an electronic copy somewhere. And I would agree with the above comments…..you ARE a great writer.

  5. Colleen Rose

    As an avid reader of your original story, I applaud you. Telling it from a different perspective may have been challenging, but not how it was originally conceived. The characters have a way of speaking for themselves!

    • Very true. As the characters have taken a life of their own, they were most difficult to sway and in the end, I’m good, but I’m not that good.

  6. Hmm, “From the ashes a fire shall be woken…”

    You are an exceptional writer as well as inspiring. Let your words flow.

  7. this is pretty interesting

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